This is not a ‘How-To-Guide’ on these two things. This is a simple answer to a bewildering question: ‘Why do we end up falling for the wrong person?’
It is not because you woke up one morning and made an unwise decision of choosing a heartless person to give you heart to. Or because you are being punished or cursed by an unseen force. It is certainly not due to your dumbness, deafness or blindness! The answer is that you fell for the ‘wrong person’ because the last person you expected to be the ‘right one’ is (are you ready for it?) YOU!
Now, this is not to say that every person you feel a connection with on Earth is wrong, stupid or undeserving of your love. The problem is not that you often give in a relationship more than you receive. This is merely an illusion. The actual problem, however lies in the fact that , as a human being, you tend to seek from others the things, feelings or desires which you never or seldom experienced. Topping the list of such things is LOVE.
When one feels inadequate, neglected or unloved, s/he immediately sets out to find a companion to make these negative feelings disappear into thin air. Very often, one fails to understand that the ‘companion’ is as human as everyone else is, who might more or less have their own inadequacies or imperfections. Here is where one makes a huge mistake: One depends upon his/her companion to make their world better; when in reality, no one but they themselves can do that. When their expectations are not met, they begin to feel disconnected to their companion. In other words, they begin to feel that they have fallen for the wrong person.
People, when they realize that they have fallen for the wrong person, tend to blame the person, their own fate or God. Some even start internalizing their disappointment. That’s the worst form of harm they can do to themselves.
The fact is, no one but you can understand and heal yourself. You are your own God. You have the power to make or break yourself. People around you certainly contribute to your growth and development, but they don’t and can’t control your life. They have no power to hurt or heal you. It all starts and ends with you. Only by accepting yourself as you are and loving every bit of it, you will grow and you will heal.
So, from today, in fact from this very moment, begin to love yourself. Little by little, step by step. Falter, and then improve. Try, and fail; try again, and fail a little less; try once more and see. Do whatever it takes, but keep loving yourself.
Discover your identity. All of it. Enhance the best and discard the worst of it . It is hard and confusing and tedious. But it is worth the effort. It will give you the life you love and will help you to love happily. And then, I promise, you will never fall for the ‘WRONG PERSON’ again.